it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
