Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
