Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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