Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Every concussion has its silver lining
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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