Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
