would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.