2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?