I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.