Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I puked off the balcony.
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
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Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry