my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry