Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.