your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
