took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
