"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
