I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
