Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
