I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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