you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
