She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
