apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
