i just wanna soil my oats bro
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
In America we eat man semen.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
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Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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