Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Quick, to the slutcave!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
