Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize