I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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