remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
