Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
God gave him joint rollers for hands
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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