Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
