his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize