oh god the rape fog is back!
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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