C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
