I smell stomach acid.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
