He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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