I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
