I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
