I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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