After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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