who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
