I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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