no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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