Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
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theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
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Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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