My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
