Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
