this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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