drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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