the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
