I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
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So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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