My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
