just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Mom said you looked used
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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