I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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