Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
