My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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