break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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