he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
