she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
