I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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