I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
