Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
