so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
this beer tastes like vomit already
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
