Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Mom said you looked used
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
