come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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