i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
