Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
God, I missed his penis.
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