You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
only if we run a train.
done.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
