How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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