if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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