I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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