i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
