remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
