i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
