Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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