She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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