I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
