Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
