Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
