Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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