He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
