His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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