I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
