...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
