He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
