Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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