Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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