I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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