I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
