I think my fart just growled at me.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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