smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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