Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
