well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
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You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize